Notes taken

“Holding on to what you thought you wanted or what you thought was the perfect ideal limits you from opening up to things that could be so much better. Because you never change when things are comfortable and life is good, or good enough – then you don’t see why you would make an effort to do things that are incredibly hard. It is only when you are brought to your knees and it feels completely unbearable that you step in to that possibility, allowing yourself to change, since it destroys everything and what you worked all your life for and thought you wanted, and it forces you to revalue your life and set new goals, and set different goals that you had never looked to attain if everything had been perfect.”

In this way new people, things and options can enter your life.

So you have to look beyond your previous dreams and expectations, and ask yourself what is the best life you can have from where you stand now, given the restraints that exists. You have a choice in which path to take from there and have to find the motivation to move beyond that expectation hangover of having your expectations not being fulfilled and hence becoming a disappointment. Remember that you always have choices whatever happens to you or around you.

– Mostly Jodi Cohen (otherwise Keesha Ewers)



”You may think that violence can change things, but the moment you take to violence YOU will change”


– Quote from a documentary

It could have been worse

So I live differently than you

and the rest of the family

I have another faith

and it is apparent in my life style and clothing.

And this is the way for over a decade.

But it could have been worse.

I am tired of defending myself.

Against the society norms, against my family, against the school system, against the false prejudices, against the verbal abuse.

As if it couldn’t be worse.

As if it had been more accepting if I had been worse.

Since that’s the norm in society.

Even if my siblings are decent, good people.


I don’t get the fuss.

Or I get some of it, since they are a product of their society.

So they don’t like it, don’t accept it, don’t want it, because they don’t believe it themselves.

They want me to be like them or adapt to their way of life and get irritated and upset when I stubbornly adhere to my own.

Still, I don’t go tell them what to do or how to change.

I don’t tell them to live life the way I live it or force myself upon them with what I want.

Then of course,

I could have been worse in a lot of ways.

As in,

I could have been an alcoholist

But I don’t drink at all and I have never been drunk.

I could have been a drug user

But I have never tried any of it

I could have been smoking

But I have never done that either

I could have been a criminal

But I ain’t

I could have been a narcissist

But I am not

I could have been abusive or behaved bad in general

But I don’t

I could have became a nun, having no kids and lived in total seclusion

But I am not

But I live differently

And it means I don’t do the things they do

But they don’t do the things I do either

So what’s the problem really

They make me feel childish and selfish

I am not in reality

But I have a faith that I believe in and I follow it the way I believe is right. Which means, I don’t simply follow it the way others follow it. And I don’t try to fit in or bend my faith backwards only to adapt to or integrate with or to please others, because that’s not how I believe in it. Besides, I don’t believe they would be pleased with me anyway until I do it the way they think I should, by living life the way they think I should. Since that’s the right way according to them. But why is it not OK that I have my own opinion in a society that congratulates different opinions? Because it’s not OK when it comes to certain beliefs and it’s not OK when it clashes with the norm and with their traditions and life style.

Still, it could have been worse.

It all makes me sad and tired. Because I do care for others, and I do care for others feelings. But I must follow what I believe is right just like they follow what they believe is right. It’s just the way it is. I can’t do it half way. I do my best in following what I think is right. That’s just the way it is. And if that makes me to be called extreme and brainwashed and stupid and whatever, then what can I do about it really if I still don’t want to live this life in a certain way only to please them?


In other words;

my kids are well-fed,

I definitely clean up after them because every time I try new ways of make them do it, I end up having to clean up after them anyway since they don’t mind the chaos and rather wait for next Friday to do it, but I certainly mind it.

apparently they have LOTS of fun since the floors are covered with their stuff and clothes and a cleaning ritual only leaves the place shining for a very short period of time (we are speaking of minutes here ladies),

interestingly enough they did not mention the pile of unwashed laundry, or not even having the time for folding the washed laundry,

Yep, wet floors in the bathroom, checked,

Yes, please think twice, although I am pretty sure our place is in another league than what’s thought of here,

So, please make an appointment before anyway, please…

Wouldn’t it be smooth

It is so much easier

To just give in
And in the end give up
Your needs, your wishes, your growth, your resistance, your sense of worth, your desires, your goals, your intents, your visions, your opinions, yourself
In favor of his whatevers
Thinking you do right
By standing aside
While holding the peace
So as to hold it all together
Being less of you
And more of him
Until it’s no longer a trait
Until it’s taken for granted
And you simply can’t take it
Any longer
Since it becomes suffocating

Then again
Wouldn’t it be smooth
To go about life
As if no one else existed
Thinking no one is as worthy
Taking strides
Getting whatever you want
Not caring the slightest
Of others at all
To be selfish
Completely neglectful of where you put your feet
Or which words you utter
Or who you might hurt
While constantly pushing forward
And pushing or sometimes even throwing everyone in your way aside
Preferably even under your own feet
Making your own rules
Living the me-life fully
The thing is it might even work
For a while
Unless you have a conscience
A sense of what is right
And what is wrong
Instead of a lost mind on your shoulders

Thank you (yes, you…and you, and you, and you)

Reading Laurels and Horses blog I always think of this:
Everyone should have a thank you letter every once in a while, particularly the ones having given their all only to be taken advantage of, or anyone in general feeling down and unworthy:

Thank you

For being loyal and caring and kind
For being compassionate and emphatic
For being trustworthy and faithful
For being open minded and honest
For cheering people up
For being fun and easy going
For being selfless in a selfish world
For loving hard with all you have
Thank you
For being a kind soul
For being an awesome mother
For being an excellent friend
For being a loving daughter
For being a caring sister
For being the best of spouses
For being a great colleague
For being an appreciated student
For being a good neighbor
For being a compassionate fellow human being
Thank you
For being real and precious
For giving your all in all relationships and within all areas of life
For encouraging others and cheering them on
For being there for people when they need it the most
For forging on when overwhelmed and exhausted
Thank you
For all you have done and still do
For being the better person
For being true
All in all,
For being you
So be proud of yourself
Be proud of having given your all
For having done your part
Be proud of what you have accomplished
Even if the persons who should (maybe) haven’t or (maybe) won’t acknowledge it
Even if no one at all would appreciate it
Even if no one gave it back
Their failure to appreciate you doesn’t diminish your worth nor the worth of what you did and do
What you do really matters
People like you really make the world into a better place in it’s true sense
thank you
being you

Be in this world like the bee🐝

*Be Like the Bee*

Imam Shams ad-Deen Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah al-Hanbali رحمه الله:

كن فى الدنيا كالنحلة إن أكلت أكلت طيبا وإن أطعمت أطعمت طيبا وإن سقطت على شيء لم تكسره ولم تخدشه

❝ Be in this dunya like a bee, when it eats, it eats what is pure (i.e. nectar); when it feeds, it feeds what is pure (i.e. honey). And when it lands on something, it does not break it nor cause ruin. ❞

[ الفوائد – ص118]